


Nightmares and Tribulations

by pikaace



Category: Do No Harm (TV)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Fluff, Five Times One Time Fic, Friendship, Gen, He needs lots of hugs, Night Terrors, No Romance, Panic Attacks, Ruben needs a hug, Temporary Character Death, Triggers, again only in the dreams, and we need more sonny in this crossover, but only in the nightmares, sorry but i see ruben and usnavi more as platonic bros, this is more family based
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-31 19:38:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12139635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikaace/pseuds/pikaace
Summary: Five times, Ruben suffered from terrible nightmares of his time in Jamaica in his new home of Washington Heights.One time he finally faced the cause of his fears.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm basically writing this because I've had this half-done for forever, and I'm secretly in love with the DNH/ITH crossover so I decided to do what I do best: write angst and fluffy family shit between Ruben and his two roommates Usnavi and Sonny because all three of them are precious and must be protected.

Sleep. Sleep was a bliss that Ruben had been slowly gravitating back towards ever since Jamaica. But, as expected, it had been...difficult to hold down the proper amount of hours of sleep. 

Thankfully, Ruben’s new job at the community college wore him out and had incredibly easy hours compared to IMH, so coming home and flopping on the couch or his bed was nothing new. Usnavi was always careful to be quiet opening the door so as not to disturb him, and Sonny usually hung out with friends after school, coming back when Ruben was awake. 

Today was no different, with Ruben lying on the couch. He had fallen asleep almost the second he hit the cushions, and got a good hour or two of sleep in. Usnavi came in through the door in the evening to get dinner ready, quietly opening and closing the door and sneaking past him. 

Unfortunately, Usnavi had failed to see another one of the tenants in the hallway, trying to lug a rather large piece of furniture down the hall. The furniture piece continuously bumped the floor, creating a rhythmic ‘thump’ through the cheap walls of the apartment. And Usnavi failed to notice Ruben flinch ever so slightly as it continued.

* * *

 

Bang...

Bang…! 

Bang! 

Ruben flinched as he pressed himself further into the corner, the noises growing ever closer. “Oh Ruben~!” A voice called mockingly. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” 

Ruben bit his lip, trying desperately to stop his frantic breathing. The warehouse was dark and dank, making breathing difficult in the first place, particularly his hiding spot. Ruben had searched the area in vain for some kind of escape route, but Ian’s footsteps were quick to follow. 

“C’mon Rubes,” Ian called again. “You know how I feel about Hide-and-Seek.” 

Ruben barely hid a yelp as he heard another door get kicked in, followed by the loud crash of Ian most likely destroying something. “I’ll make a deal with you, Rubes,” Ian said, his voice getting ever closer. “If you come out right now...I won’t kill you slowly; how does that sound?” 

Tears tracked down Ruben’s face, forcing him to cover his mouth and hide his sobs. Bang! Bang! Bang! He was in the room next to him, fuck fuck fuck, he was in the room next to him! He was dead! He was fucking dead! 

“Well, only one door left,” Ian mused loudly. “Ruben hasn’t been behind any of those other doors; could he be in here?” The taunt in his voice made Ruben want to throw up. 

Bang! The door shook, but didn’t open; Ruben had locked it and barricaded it to the best of his ability. 

Bang! 

_ Bang!  _

The door shook and rattled with every hit, trying in vain to keep the monster on the other side from prevailing. 

Bang! “C’mon Rubes!” 

Bang! “Don’t be a stick in the mud!” 

Bang! “I promise, it’ll only hurt for a second!” 

Bang! The barricade fell away from the door as a large crack appeared in the thick wood. 

Ruben’s breath caught in his throat as a familiar face appeared through the crack, “Found you!” 

The knocking got louder and louder until the door finally splintered open with a loud-

* * *

BANG! Usnavi jumped three feet in the air. He whirled around to see Ruben and the coffee table on the ground on their sides. “Ruben?!” 

The man scrambled on the ground for a few seconds before taking cover behind the coffee table and curling into a ball.

Usnavi bolted over from the kitchen and knelt next to him. “Ruben?” He called. Ruben faced him sharply, his breathing still erratic. His eyes were glazed over and seemed far away in a sense, like he was seeing something that wasn’t there. 

“Whoa, hey, Ruben, it’s okay.” Usnavi said. “Do you know where you are?” 

“J-Jamaica?” Ruben squeaked. 

“Ruben, you’re in our apartment,” Usnavi said gently. “You live in Washington Heights; you’ve been sharing an apartment with me and Sonny for two months now, remember?” 

Ruben seemed to frown in confusion, “But...But I was just in...is this not Philly?” He asked. “He-He was following me, I-I-” 

“You’re not in Philly, you’re in Washington Heights,” Usnavi repeated calmly. While this wasn’t the first time he had dealt with Ruben’s panic attacks, he was always afraid of screwing it up. He was amazed at himself for being able to keep his calm demeanor every time. 

Ruben grabs his head, his breathing getting faster, “Please, don’t tell him where I am…” He whimpered. “He’ll kill me, please, don’t tell him, please!” 

“I won’t tell him,” Usnavi said, still keeping his cool, despite the pity stinging his chest. He wanted so badly to hug Ruben and tell him everything was alright, but Usnavi had learned the hard way that touching him wasn’t the best way to go. He had the bruises on his arms from Ruben grabbing him to prove it. Usnavi stayed by his side, sitting against the coffee table with him, repeating the same things over and over. All he had to do was wait and hope that Ruben didn’t get dragged deeper into his memories or whatever horrors his brain had. 

Usnavi didn’t know what Ruben went through before coming here; all Ruben told them was that he went through some terrifying shit in Jamaica and only recently came back to America because he felt it was safe to go back. Now, Usnavi and Sonny didn’t press for details, especially after witnessing Ruben’s very first panic attack (getting the shit scared out of them in the process), but they could deduce what may have happened. All they got was that someone named Ian and someone named Jason had something to do with it, and from the sounds of the way Ruben muttered their names, they were ones behind all this.

Whatever this Ian and Jason did to him, it was bad. Really bad. Ruben basically confirmed that one detail for them, and that was all they needed. 

Thankfully, Nina had been taking a Psychology course at Stanford, and after a quick phone call from her, Usnavi and Sonny were taught the ‘dos and don'ts’ of someone with PTSD. And at the top of that list: don’t bring up the cause of trauma until they are willing and ready to talk about it. Usnavi and Sonny took that rule to heart and never asked. 

After about thirty minutes, Ruben seemed to be coming back out of his shell. “Ruben?” Usnavi called.

“...Usnavi?” Ruben responded softly. 

Usnavi cracked a relieved smile, “Yeah, it’s me,” He responded. “Do you know where you are?” 

Ruben glanced around, “I...um...our…” He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them and blinking, like he just snapped out of some kind of hypnotism. “Our, our apartment, in, in Washington Heights?” 

“Yeah,” Usnavi sighed in relief. “Yeah, it’s okay.” Usnavi scooted closer, “Can I touch you?” 

Ruben hesitated. 

“I’m just gonna touch your hand, that’s all,” Usnavi reassured. Ruben eventually nodded, and Usnavi gripped his hand, squeezing it tightly. “It’s okay,” Usnavi said, “You’re safe.” 

Ruben finally seemed more awake and he glanced around, putting together where he was and what had just transpired. “Oh god, I did it again…” He breathed. He eyed the fallen coffee table and guilt filled his eyes, “God, Usnavi, I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey, nothing got broken, so there’s no need to apologize,” Usnavi said, trying to make light of the situation. 

Ruben shook his head, pulling his hand away and burying his face in his hands, “You shouldn’t have to deal with this...I thought this was going to stop by coming here.” Ruben said something along these lines every time this happened, and it broke Usnavi’s heart every time.

“C’mon, don’t be like that,” Usnavi said, taking both of Ruben’s hands and gently pulling them away from his face. “Look, whatever happened, happened, and none of it matters here, in the present.” His face was genuine and kind. “All I care about is you; are you okay?” 

Ruben stared at him and took a shaky breath, “No…” He whispered, looking down and shaking his head. “I told you that when you invited me to live here…”

“Then Sonny and I will do whatever we can to help you,” Usnavi said sincerely, causing Ruben to look at him again. “I told you this when you first moved in and I’m telling you now; everyone in the barrio is family,” He said. “We look out for each other, and you’re no exception, entiendes?”

Tears slowly filled Ruben’s eyes and he pulled his hands away to wipe them away, “Sorry,” He whispered. “It’s just...no one’s ever said that to me before.” 

Usnavi smiled sadly, “Can I hug you?” 

Ruben hesitated, but eventually nodded, allowing the other man to wrap his arms around him. Ruben deflated in his grasp after only two seconds; one thing he had learned from living here was that Usnavi gave the best hugs (Sonny and Vanessa could back him up on that). 

Sonny came back about fifteen minutes later, opening the door to finding Usnavi and Ruben still on the floor, the latter clinging to the former. Sonny’s face fell, but Usnavi shot him a glance and a quick thumbs up that they were okay. Sonny nodded in slight relief, squeezing Ruben’s shoulder as he passed to his room to give them some space.

 


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A blackout occurs, and Sonny and Ruben are left to defend against phantoms of Ruben's memory.

Blackouts, in Ruben’s case, were never something he had personally experienced, most likely because he had the paycheck of a head chemist at a huge hospital. Usnavi had warned him about blackouts when he had experienced first-hand just how...skittish Ruben was.

Ruben did take the knowledge to heart, but he insisted that the dark wasn’t the problem. And it wasn’t. Jason was the problem; Ian was the problem; anything involving Jamaica, knives, or violence, was the problem. Ruben had never been afraid of the dark, despite all the recent nightmares, so he would be fine. Besides, Usnavi only said blackouts happened in the case of intense heat or a storm. He would be fine. He stored the information in the back of his head and left it at that.

Two months after moving in, and two months after Usnavi had warned him, Ruben found himself in the bodega with Sonny, keeping him company as he worked the store late into the hot summer night.

Usnavi and Vanessa had gone out, leaving the two to their own devices, and Ruben had decided to spend the evening with Sonny, as he didn’t really seem to interact with him as much as Usnavi, Vanessa, or Benny. And he wasn’t sure why, as Sonny was quite the character and a joy to listen to. The kid’s rants on social justice were sights to behold, and it made Ruben happy to see just how bright and thoughtful Sonny was.

Ruben had never really been one for politics himself, but he did keep up with it, so he could occasionally comment or question some of Sonny’s speeches, which it turns out, Sonny appreciated. “Nina’s the only one I can talk to who really knows this stuff,” Sonny had said. “About time I found someone else who takes this seriously.”

The two talked well into the night, fanning themselves with leftover newspapers to fight the heat and the crappy air conditioner in the bodega. Ruben found himself laughing more than he remembered doing in months, hell, in years; Sonny was a real funny kid. But right when the two were sharing a laugh over an old childhood story about Usnavi, their laughter quickly ceased when the lights went out in a split second.

“Shit…” Sonny swore.

“Whoa,” Ruben said, not knowing how else to react. He blinked and squinted, trying to adjust to the darkness, and he heard shuffling through the dark, “Sonny?” he called.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Sonny answered. “Just trying to find the door.”

“Where are you?” Ruben asked.

“I’m in front of the counter now; hang on, lemme get my phone.” A few seconds later, a bright phone light cut through the darkness, revealing Sonny standing next to Ruben in front of the counter.

“W-What do we do?” Ruben asked nervously.

“Don’t worry, I’m just gonna lock up and we’ll book it back home, easy as that,” Sonny responded, somehow managing to keep his cool. “We just gotta make sure-”

A loud bang of a gunshot echoed through the air, making both of them instinctively duck for cover. “That was a gun...that was a gun, people are-are shooting out there?!” Ruben exclaimed.

More noises began to fill the air, shattering the peaceful silence from before. Screams, things breaking, more gunshots, all of it one huge symphony of chaos. Ruben faintly heard Sonny say something else before hurrying to the grate to close it, and his pulse sped up. It was dark, it was chaos, and anything could happen at anytime. It would be child’s play for someone to disappear without a trace, their fate be swallowed up by the darkness, just like…

“Oh Ruben~,” A sickeningly familiar voice echoed through the air, cutting through the noise. No...no it couldn’t be…

“Where are you Rubes?” The voice called in a sing-song voice. “Come on out; we have so much to talk about.”

* * *

Sonny had just finished closing the grate when he heard a crash. Sonny whirled around just in time to see Ruben stumble behind the counter and fall, causing many objects around him to fall.

“Ruben?!” Sonny hurried over but skid to a halt once his dying phone light shone on him. Ruben was curled into a ball, covering his ears and squeezing his eyes shut as he breathed heavily and quickly.

“He’s gonna find me…” Ruben muttered. “Please, don’t tell him where to find me, he’ll kill me, he’s gonna kill me…!”

Sonny’s pulse sped up in fear; Ruben was having a panic attack. “Shit…” Sonny had no idea how to handle this. Whenever this happened, Usnavi was always right there to help like a pro; Sonny had no experience with panic attacks of this level!

Okay, just calm down and think; what does Usnavi do? He never touched Ruben for one, which made sense when he thought about it; he didn’t want to make Ruben panic even more. Sonny’s phone beeped, only at 1%, forcing him to turn off the light; thankfully, his eyes had adjusted enough.

“Uh, Ruben?” Sonny called nervously. “Ruben, can you hear me?” Sonny dropped to the ground and began to crawl towards him slowly through the dark.

“Y-Yeah...” Ruben responded.

“Ruben, do you know where you are?” Sonny called, remembering Usnavi’s words.

“I-I don’t know…” Ruben said, a sob rising in his throat. “It-It’s dark, and-and they’re noises, I-I-oh god he’s coming!”

“Ruben, no one’s coming.” Sonny said as calmly as he could. “You’re in the bodega with me.”

Ruben paused, “S...Sonny?” He asked. “Sonny, is that you?”

“Yeah,” Sonny brightened and reached towards him through the dark, “yeah, dude, I’m right here.”

“Oh god…” Ruben reached out and found Sonny’s hand, “Oh god, no, Sonny you-you can’t be here! You have to run, now!”

Sonny blinked, “What?”

Ruben pulled him closer and gripped his shoulders tightly, “He’s coming, Sonny, he’ll kill you, you have to get out of-”

“Whoa whoa, Ruben!” Sonny exclaimed before lowering his voice; getting worked up probably wasn’t a good idea. Maybe he could try to play along? “It’s okay, he’s not gonna find us. C’mon.” Sonny pulled him up and towards the door, “I know a place to hide.”

Ruben silently followed him, his shaky hand squeezing Sonny’s so hard he was afraid it would pop off. Sonny led him across the street, up the stairs, and into their dark apartment where he sat Ruben down on the couch. He got a bunch of candles set up and shot a quick text to Usnavi after plugging his almost dead phone in.

_‘blackout down here. ruben’s not okay. got him out of the store but he’s really out of it and I don't know what to do. help?’_

Thankfully, Usnavi responded within ten seconds.

_‘Just try to ground him. Keep telling him where he is and that he’s safe. Be back asap. Both of you be safe.’_

Sonny took a deep breath and pocketed his phone before heading back over to Ruben. He was sitting ramrod straight on the couch, his eyes wide and darting here and there. “Ruben?” Sonny called gently. Ruben flinched and Sonny backpedaled, “It’s okay, it’s Sonny; we’re in our apartment, you’re okay.”

“Sonny?” Ruben breathed.

“Yeah, I’m right here.” Sonny said, sitting next to him. He kept repeating that phrase as he cautiously put a hand on Ruben’s shoulder and began rubbing it.

“He’s gonna find us.” Ruben whispered. “Oh god he’s gonna find us, he’s gonna kill us!”

“Ruben-”

“I swear, I didn’t tell!” Ruben curled into a ball and covered his head, “I didn’t tell Jason anything! Please just let me go, please!”

Sonny backed away from him in fear; he had never seen anything like this before! He swallowed as he remembered Usnavi’s texts; just keep talking to him. “Ruben, it’s okay, you’re safe.” Sonny said. “You’re home, you’re in our apartment; you live here with me and Usnavi.” To his relief, Ruben seemed to uncurl ever so slightly at his voice, so Sonny kept it up. He just kept talking, pausing whenever Ruben muttered something about whatever was happening in his mind, mentioning Ian and Jason multiple times.

With every word, Ruben seemed to slowly make his way back to reality, and Sonny found himself able to put his arm around Ruben and rub his shoulder. “It's okay, you're okay, you're safe; you're safe.”

* * *

It was dark. There were noises. Ruben didn’t know where or when he was, and he was terrified. He hadn’t heard Ian’s voice in a while, which...wasn’t right. There was no way he had escaped Ian, Ruben knew it was impossible to escape him! In fact, now that he thought about it, the noises seemed quieter, and this...didn’t look like the crappy apartment he had in Jamaica. It was warm, he was sitting on something soft, and it smelled like...like coffee…

“You’re safe…” A voice echoed in his mind, “It’s okay, you’re safe; he’s not gonna find you, you’re safe.”

Ruben sucked in a sharp breath and flinched as the dim light of a candle became known in his vision. A candle sitting on a coffee table, in front of a couch, in a room that he knew.

“Ruben?” Ruben blinked and looked beside him to see Sonny, sitting with his arm around him.

“Sonny…” He breathed.

“You with me? Do you know where you are?” Sonny asked, his eyes swimming with concern, fear, and...pity?

Ruben glanced around, just in case, “Our apartment...when did we get here?”

“Oh thank god…” Sonny breathed, deflating and toppling back on the couch slightly. “You scared the shit out of me, man, I thought I wouldn’t get you back.”

Ruben blinked before the pieces came together; it had happened again. The scars had reopened, and Sonny...oh god, Sonny. He never wanted Sonny to have to deal with whatever was happening to him. “God, Sonny, I’m sorry…” Ruben whispered, rubbing his face.

“Hey, don’t apologize for this,” Sonny said, crawling towards him on the couch.

Ruben shook his head, “I thought I was getting better,” He muttered, his voice rising. “This shouldn’t have done anything, there-there were no guns in Jamaica, that shouldn’t have bothered me!”

“Dude, it’s okay!” Sonny exclaimed, grasping his shoulders, but not roughly so as to startle him. “Everyone’s got their own fucked up problems, and sometimes they can’t help it!” Sonny’s eyes seemed to sparkle with determination and sincerity. “Sure, I don’t know what happened to you, and I don’t know or understand why you’re so jumpy all the time, but I know you’ve got a good reason, and I’m not gonna condemn you for something that some asshole did to you! The cause wasn’t your fault, therefore the aftermath isn’t and never will be your fault, get me?”

Ruben stared at him and almost chuckled; leave it to Sonny to be perfectly blunt to get his point across. But on the other hand, he could feel his eyes stinging from the profoundness of Sonny’s statement. He scrubbed his eyes and avoided Sonny’s eyes to hide his tears. “But you’re just a kid,” He said softly. “You shouldn’t have to deal with my fucked up problems-”

“Don’t you do that,” Sonny said sharply.

Ruben finally looked at him, “What?”

“Treat me like I’m just some dumb, sensitive, little kid,” Sonny said, letting go of Ruben’s shoulders and sitting down properly. “I get enough of that from Usnavi and the rest of the barrio, I don’t need it from you too.”

Ruben frowned lightly and Sonny glanced at him, feeling a little guilt for snapping like that. “Sorry, I just...I hate being babied,” Sonny said softly. “Everyone just treats me like this innocent bright-eyed little kid; I just wanna be treated normally, you know?”

“And you let that stop you?” Ruben asked softly.

Sonny shrugged, “Well, no…”

Ruben smiled lightly as he thought back to his own family, “Then that will make it ten times better when you do something amazing,” He said. “My mom and my sisters didn’t think I would be a head chemist at a hospital, and they were blown away when I did. So just imagine how proud Usnavi will be when you make something of yourself.”

Sonny smiled slightly to himself as he imagined how proud the barrio would be of him. He never saw himself as someone as successful as Nina, but if he came close, he would be happy. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one giving you heartfelt speeches?” Sonny joked, smirking at Ruben.

Ruben chuckled, “You did that earlier; I’m just returning the favor.” They sat in silence, the noises outside still running rampant. “So...do these usually last all night?” Ruben asked.

“More or less,” Sonny shrugged. “Think you’ll be okay?”

Ruben took a deep breath and nodded, “Yeah, yeah, I-I’ll be fine.”

Sonny gave him a look that said he didn’t believe him and settled back on the couch, “We probably have a while before Usnavi gets back,” He commented.

“Will he be okay?” Ruben asked.

Sonny bit his lip, “I dunno,” He answered. Ruben saw the glint of fear in Sonny’s eyes; Usnavi had offhandedly mentioned that Sonny wasn’t a fan of blackouts, but Ruben just thought that was something that everyone wasn’t a fan of. Now he could see that Sonny was genuinely scared for both their and Usnavi’s safety. Anything could happen out there.

Sonny glanced at Ruben, shifting over ever so slightly to him, “I’m glad I’m not alone this time,” He whispered.

Ruben gave him a sad smile, before putting a slightly hesitant arm around Sonny’s shoulders. “Me neither,” He agreed.

Sonny smiled again and turned to hug Ruben, who blinked at the sudden contact, but returned the hug. They stayed that way in silence, Ruben watching the flickering candles before them.

“You know, you and Usnavi probably give the best hugs,” Ruben couldn’t help but comment in the silence.

Sonny snorted, “Runs in the family, I guess,” he said. He peeked up at Ruben, “You deserve them more than anybody.” Ruben bit his lip, his eyes welling up with tears as he ruffled Sonny’s hair and they lay in silence, the muted noises of the blackout a distant memory.

* * *

 

When Usnavi came back home, he found them curled up together on the couch, sound asleep, and oblivious to the noises outside. Ruben was propped up in the corner, lying fully across the couch while Sonny was squeezed in next to him, his head lying on the older man’s chest.

Usnavi smiled and let himself deflate in relief; they were both okay. He quietly blew out the candles and got ready for bed, not wanting to disturb them. That didn’t stop him from taking a picture, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the shitty ending, I was totally blanking on it XP


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruben's nightmares run rampant, but luckily, his two new roommates are there to ground him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the one-shot that inspired this whole thing, originally on tumblr. 
> 
> Also, trigger warning for slight blood and torture. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Ruben’s eyesight slowly came back to him. Everything hurt, and he couldn’t move. He blinked and looked around at the old warehouse he was in. The thick ropes pinning him to the metal chair seemed ten times heavier, and the barely functioning lights above him burned his eyes. He was parched and every part of his mouth was dry; he wanted to lick his lips, but the thick cloth tied between his teeth prevented him from doing so. He struggled halfheartedly in his bonds, but it was useless and made his scarring over injuries sting.

“Rise and shine, Rubes.” Ruben flinched as that sickening familiar voice echoed through the air. He meekly looked up, his heart pounding as Ian appeared, standing over him. 

“Sleep well?” Ian asked, leaning towards him. “Now that you’ve had some time to rest, maybe now you can finally tell me what I want to know.” 

Ruben let out a whimper, only to receive a slap across the face, “C’mon Rubes, I need you bright eyed and bushy tailed.” Ian said firmly. He then reached out and pulled the cloth down and out of Ruben’s mouth, “Alright buddy, spill.”

“I told you…” Ruben choked. “It’s in my notebook, everything’s in my notebook, I swear!”

Ian nodded, “Yeah, I know, I looked through it. Really detailed stuff Ruben; wouldn’t expect anything less from that big brain of yours.” 

“Then let me go!” Ruben cried. “Everything you need to know is in there! It’s yours! You don’t need me!” 

“I wouldn’t go that far, Ruben.” Ian said, standing up straight again and walking towards a table. “You’re a rat all the way down to the core, remember? And I’m really not a fan of rats.” Ian picked up a particularly large knife. “That notebook of yours? You were going to send it to Jason.” 

Ruben shook his head madly as Ian approached him yet again, “No, No, I wasn’t I-I swear I-” 

He was cut off by his own scream as Ian swiftly slashed his leg with the knife. Blood dripped out of a new deep cut that crossed with an old one that had been trying to heal over. Without pause, Ian dragged the blade across Ruben’s chest, his face blank as Ruben writhed and yelled out in pain. Ian eventually took the knife away, leaving Ruben to bite his lip as he tried to swallow the pain running through him. 

“Well, it’s been fun, Rubes.” He said, gripping Ruben’s face with one hand and positioning his head up. Ian hovered over him, his knife raised making the blade glint in the light. “But it’s time to put this little rat down.”

“No…!” Ruben choked, tears quickly spilling out of his eyes, “No, Ian, please, no! No!” 

“Goodbye Ruben.” 

“No, no!” Ruben screamed, “Don’t do it! Please, no!” 

Ian’s grin seemed to glow in the dim lighting as the knife descended. 

“NO, STOP!”

* * *

 

“NO!” Ruben’s eyes flew open and he sat up abruptly. He was back in his dark bedroom, in his bed, in Washington Heights. 

“Ruben?” He flinched as the door opened, revealing a pajama-clad Usnavi and Sonny, the younger wiping the sleep out of his eyes. 

“You okay, dude?” Sonny asked through a yawn. “You were screaming something awful.” 

“S-Sorry…” Ruben whispered, rubbing face. “Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to wake you…” This wasn’t the first time he had had nightmares about those hellish nights in Jamaica, and getting through them was a task on its own. “I’m fine now, you-you can go back to sleep.” 

Usnavi and Sonny exchanged a look but didn’t leave. “Are you sure?” Usnavi asked, moving to sit next to him on the bed. Ruben wanted to say yes, but his beating heart wouldn’t allow him to lie, so he said nothing. 

“Welp,” Sonny wandered over and sat down next to Ruben swinging his legs up next to his, “We’re awake now, so we can keep you company for a bit.” Usnavi gave Sonny a smirk, but sat down on the other side of the bed, sandwiching Ruben between them.

“Y-You don’t have to do this…” Ruben said softly. He had lost count of how many nights he had woken his roommates up with his fucked up problems. “You can just ignore me, I-I’ll be fine…” 

“No way.” Sonny said instantly. 

Usnavi nodded, “If there’s one thing we know better than anyone, it’s that no one should deal with nightmares alone.” The two exchanged a look and a nod and Ruben nearly smiled; their Secret Cousin Communication was something to behold. 

They spent a good half hour sitting on Ruben’s bed in silence, and Ruben slowly but surely forgot about the horrors he had witnessed. “Think you can go back to sleep?” Usnavi eventually asked. 

Ruben took a deep breath as his eyes were beginning to droop. “I...I can try.” Sonny and Usnavi moved as Ruben shifted back under the thin blankets and a yawn emerged from him. “You guys...don’t have to stay…” 

“We’ll be the judge of that.” Sonny replied. Ruben was too tired to question it and settled onto his pillow, slowly drifting off to sleep.

* * *

 

When Ruben woke up the next morning, he found Sonny still sound asleep next to him, but no Usnavi. Ruben couldn't help but smile and hesitantly stroke Sonny’s curls; the boy looked so innocent when he was asleep. Ruben quietly got up and got dressed without disturbing Sonny and met Usnavi in the bodega. 

“Hey,” Usnavi greeted. “Stupid question, but, sleep well?” 

Ruben snorted lightly and shrugged, “More or less.” Usnavi smiled and nodded, “Sonny still asleep?”

“Yeah,” Ruben nodded. 

Usnavi lightly rolled his eyes, “Lazy kid; he was passed out last night when you got back to sleep and I didn't have the heart to wake him up.”

“It's fine,” Ruben said. “But you weren't kidding when you said he was a heavy sleeper.”

Usnavi chuckled, “Trust me, that kid could sleep through an earthquake.” They shared a laugh and Usnavi handed Ruben his coffee, the sunlight shining brightly through the neighborhood.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruben seems to be getting better, but an unexpected and unwelcome guest shows up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This also originated on tumblr, just a fun fact ;)

“Now, Rubes, if you don’t struggle, this will be over a lot quicker.” A knife glinted in the dim light, slowly descending towards his body-

Ruben forced his eyes open and sat up with a gasp, cold sweat on his forehead. He blinked and glanced around, taking in the facts around him. It was evening, on a Saturday, late spring. He was in his shared apartment, lying on the couch, trying in vain to take a nap, Usnavi was at the bodega, and Sonny was-

“You okay?” Ruben looked behind him to see Sonny looking at him worriedly from the table in the kitchen. Right; Sonny was home and doing his homework.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ruben said, taking a few deep breaths and wiping the cold sweat off his forehead. It wasn’t long before his heart stopped pounding in his ears; only two and a half minutes. And it had taken him under thirty seconds to discern memory from reality. That was a new record.

After living here for almost half a year, Ruben had been starting to adapt to his nightmares. He was starting to become aware of when he was dreaming, able to force himself to wake up instead of becoming trapped in his own memories. You could almost say that Ruben had been running an experiment on himself to measure his trauma and how it had been affecting his subconscious.

His memories were obviously the key, and he had found that things he did throughout the day greatly affected how those memories attacked him. The more time he spent with Usnavi, Sonny, or anyone in the barrio really, the less intense and frequent the nightmares and panic attacks become. The key was distracting himself, in a sense; by focusing on the present, his mind was slowly growing to accept that what happened, happened in the past and wasn’t going to happen again. Ruben had already gone a week without waking up screaming, and two weeks without being triggered by something. He had to admit, he was pretty happy and proud of himself with all the progress he had made.

Ruben got up and headed to the kitchen to get himself some water, when he heard Sonny growling under his breath as he viciously erased something on a worksheet. “Homework troubles?” Ruben asked.

Sonny rolled his eyes, “Chemistry fucking sucks!” He moaned. “No offence.” He tacked on.

“None taken,” Ruben chuckled; only a special few could truly appreciate chemistry and its workings, and high schoolers were never among those few. Ruben peered over Sonny’s shoulder and gazed at the paper. It was covered with periodic elements, atomic numbers, and math figures. He could see multiple faded out answers from where Sonny had angrily erased the wrong answers.

Ruben’s eyes fell on the first one: Balance the following equations. 1. C3H8+O2 --> H2O + CO2

Sonny had already written out how many of each element were in the equation on both sides, and had already balanced out the Carbon. By the looks of it, he couldn’t figure out how to balance the Hydrogen. It suddenly hit Ruben that he hadn’t seen simple chemistry like this in years. Such normal elements like water and carbon dioxide seemed foreign to him thanks to spending so much time in the lab back in the day. His eyes scanned the question and he felt his brain scoff at the simplicity. “Multiply by four.”

Sonny blinked and looked up at him, “What?”

Ruben started; he hadn’t realized that he had spoken. “Uh, you need four Hydrogen molecules.” He explained, pointing to the number. “Multiply that by two and you’ll have the eight Hydrogens you need.”

Sonny stared at him for a minute before writing it down. “But that gives me 10 Oxygen on this side; what about the other?” He asked.

“Well, what’s divisible by ten?” Ruben asked.

Sonny looked at the equation before brightening and scribbling in a five, balancing the equation. “Dude, you made that so easy!” He exclaimed.

“Well, I didn’t get a PhD for nothing.” Ruben said a bit shyly; he couldn’t remember the last time someone had complimented him for his chemistry knowledge. The next thing he knew, he was sitting next to Sonny, going over his notes and things in his school textbook, and talking animatedly with each other about chemistry. Ruben was surprised that Sonny was actually getting into his ramblings; the kid had always come off as a more political science kind of guy, but he actually was interested in what Ruben had to say.

Before they knew it, Usnavi had come back up to start dinner, finding the two of them still talking at the table while Sonny multi-tasked and finished the last of his assignments. “Is that Sonny laughing while doing homework?” Usnavi asked in shock. “Ruben, did you replace Sonny with a clone?”

Ruben playfully rolled his eyes, “I was a chemist, not an engineering scientist.”

“Better watch out, Navi,” Sonny commented. “With all the formulas he knows, he might upstage your coffee-making skills.”

Usnavi gasped and put a hand over his heart, “How dare you? My coffee is one of a kind!”

“Actually, depending on the kind of coffee beans you use and the temperature at which you heat them, it can make a huge difference,” Ruben chimed in. “For example, the polysaccharides are extracted easier the higher the heat.”

Usnavi blinked at the wall of science speak thrown at him, “Wha…”

“Could we write this stuff down?” Sonny asked, pulling out a spare sheet of paper, “I wanna try this shit out my next shift.”

“Sonny, it’s just coffee,” Usnavi said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, and it’s time we spice it up a bit; figuratively and literally,” Sonny shot back and began scribbling down numbers.

Ruben breathed out a laugh and Usnavi leaned in close, “What have you done to him?” He whispered in awe.

Ruben shrugged, “Science is a lot more fun if you teach it fun,” He said. “Worked for me.”

Usnavi gave Ruben a pat on the back and the chemist went back to discussing coffee formulas with Sonny. At that moment, as Usnavi’s cooking wafted through the kitchen, Ruben felt a warmth that he hadn’t felt in what felt like forever. He truly felt like he was home; for god sakes he was sharing an apartment and talking about chemistry formulas having to do with making coffee! He hadn’t had this much fun talking about science since...Jason came into his life.

The last five years of Ruben’s life had been all work and no play when it came to his job, his passion. Chemistry was his life; he loved experimenting on new things, changing formulas, and seeing the results. But with Jason, it was always the same.

_‘Ruben, I need your help,’_

_‘Ruben, get this for me,’_

_‘Ruben, keep working on this thing for me and don’t stop until you get it right; oh, and you can’t sell it either.’_

Ruben would forever be bitter about Blackout, and he didn’t care. If he had just given them Jason’s name then he probably wouldn’t be here now.

Ruben felt guilty for that last thought as he glanced at Sonny’s excited face and listened to Usnavi’s humming as he cooked. In a twisted sense, Ruben was almost grateful to Jason for making him end up here, despite the mental and physical trauma that his stupid fucking brain anomaly caused. Ruben shook his head and pushed the bad thoughts back; that was all over, and he was free. He could do what he wanted; he could start over and no one was ever going to tell him what to do ever again.

Dinner was soon served, and as they ate, Ruben listened as Usnavi and Sonny talked about their respective days. Ruben chimed in every now and then with fun shenanigans involving his students during lab time; he swore, those kids were just taking his class to try and blow something up. At least it was entertaining and they got to clean it up instead of him. Ruben never noticed how easily he held a conversation with them now. When they met, Ruben initially barely said a word unless someone was addressing him. But now, his ability to make small talk had grown, thanks to them.

...Everything going right with Ruben, were all thanks to Usnavi and Sonny. And they didn’t even know why he acted the way he did. They had an idea, but they didn’t know the whole story. Ruben frowned lightly to himself; maybe it was finally time. Though it had only been half a year, Ruben had no doubt that he could trust Usnavi and Sonny with his life.

Once dinner was finished, Ruben said that he was ready. “Are you sure?” Usnavi asked. “We don’t want to push you.”

But Ruben shook his head. “I’ve been living with you for so long, and you’ve done...so much for me,” He swallowed. “This is the least I can do.”

So they congregated in the living room and Ruben told them everything. About Jason, about Ian, those five years he spent making a drug to first contain Ian and then another to try and kill him...and how everything slowly went to hell. Usnavi and Sonny were silent as he told the story, their faces slowly becoming drawn in horror as it continued.

Ruben must’ve started shaking when he told them about Jamaica because the next thing he knew, Usnavi was next to him, his arm around him and rubbing his shoulder. He spared giving out some of the details, for Sonny’s sake, but Usnavi and Sonny weren’t stupid. They could get all the details themselves, having known Ruben for so long. How he always wore long sleeves, even in the summer, how he jumped whenever someone snuck up on him, the list went on. When he was done, Ruben was staring at the ground, wringing his hands, Usnavi’s arm still around him.

“Shit, man…” Sonny breathed after a few moments of silence. “That’s...I wanna say rough, but I think fucked up is a better word.”

Ruben breathed out a laugh, “That’s pretty close.”

“That certainly explains the nightmares.” Usnavi said. “I don’t think I’d ever be able to sleep after that.”

“It’s...been getting better,” Ruben admitted softly.

Sonny sat next to him on his other side, “Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked. “Maybe it’ll help.”

Ruben paused, but decided to humor himself. “They’re all more or less the same,” He said. “I’m in a warehouse...tied up...he’s there, and-and there’s a knife and...and…”

Usnavi rubbed his back while Sonny gripped his free arm. “It’s okay, Ruben; Ian and Jason are long gone.” Usnavi said gently, exchanging a glance with Sonny. “They can’t get you here; we won’t let him.”

“Damn straight,” Sonny said. “I’m busting his skull open if I ever see him again.”

Usnavi gave him a pointed look that he only gets when he’s getting protective, “How about you scream ‘fire’ and run the other way while I call the police?” Sonny looked slightly offended, “What, you don’t think I could take him?”

“It’s a risk I’m not taking; end of story,” Usnavi shot back.

Ruben breathed out a laugh, tears filling his eyes, “Thanks guys…” He whispered, gratitude flooding his voice. “Really, th-thank you for everything.” Usnavi and Sonny smiled, staying by his side as Ruben silently wept.

Ruben had no nightmares that night.

* * *

The next day, the three found themselves in the hot little bodega, relishing the lack of customers that came with Sundays. Ruben was smiling widely as he and Usnavi talked while the latter restocked some of the shelves. Sonny was hidden away in the backroom, checking their stock, occasionally shouting his opinion on whatever they happened to be talking about. Ruben sipped his now more warm than hot coffee, a smile still on his face.

It was official; after six months of being here, he finally felt like this was his home. He felt like he had lived here his whole life, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. Unfortunately, it only took seconds for his peace of mind to be shattered into oblivion.

The bell over the door jingled, and Ruben instinctively looked up to see who had walked in. His face turned pale, and his whole body felt numb. His coffee dropped to the floor with a splash that seemed to echo through the whole street. Ian...it was Ian, he found him!

Ruben’s brain whirled like crazy, trying to get the proper message to run, but Ian did nothing. He didn’t even look mad. So...could it be Jason?

The man’s face seemed to soften in relief, “Ruben…” He breathed, no malice in his voice, but rather that sweet, sickly, upper class tone. Okay, it was definitely Jason, but that didn’t make things any better.

Ruben’s face became white as a sheet and he stumbled back into the counter, “No…” He muttered. “No no no...no, you can’t-you can’t be…” Usnavi’s eyes narrowed and he glanced between Ruben and Jason. Sonny peeked out from the back room doing the same.

“You can’t be here, you can’t.” Ruben rambled, his voice rising in panic. “This is my home, you can’t be here, you can’t!”

Jason took a step forward, “Ruben-”

“S-Stay away from me!” Ruben choked, moving along the counter.

“Ruben, Ian’s gone.” Jason said, trying to get to the point and stepping closer. “He’s gone, and I’ve had a lot of time to think, and-”

“Stay back!” Ruben yelled, finding himself behind the counter. “Don’t come any closer!”

Jason’s face fell, “Ruben…” But the man was shaking his head silently, his eyes wide with terror that Jason had never seen before.

Jason tried to move forward again, but Usnavi chose that time to intervene; it was clear that this was the man behind Ruben’s nightmares, panic attacks, and skittish nature. “Stay right where you are please.” He said in a deceptively casual tone. “I don’t tolerate anyone causing trouble in here.”

Jason blinked at him, a bit surprised at the man’s forwardness, “I’m not here to cause any trouble, that’s my friend-”

He tried to step forward again, but Usnavi stood firm between him and Ruben. Sonny also emerged from the backroom, baseball bat in hand as he moved to stand beside Usnavi, “Back it up, man.” He said dangerously, his older cousin putting a hand on his shoulder to hold him back.

Usnavi glanced back at Ruben, whose eyes were shut tight and hands were clapped over his ears, trying to block out the world. “I think it’s clear that he doesn’t want to see you right now,” He said, using an authoritative tone he didn't use often, “so I’m gonna have to ask you to leave my store.”

Jason held up his hands, showing that he wasn't here to hurt anyone, “I...I came to apologize.” He said, still glancing at the shivering Ruben. “I-I didn't mean to scare him. I wanted to fix what...what happened between us.”

“Well, you're doing a bang-up job.” Sonny replied bitterly.

“Let me get this straight.” Usnavi said, skepticism and disbelief in his voice, “Your weird split personality nearly kills a guy, and your first idea is to go see him completely out of nowhere without warning?” He snorted, “Yeah, that wouldn't freak him out at all.”

“Man, I thought you were a doctor or something.” Sonny speaks up. “Aren't you supposed to be smart?”

Jason would've looked guilty if he hadn't caught on to the first part of Usnavi’s sentence, “Wait, wait, he told you about-” He decided against pressing the matter. Judging from the unwithering glares Usnavi and Sonny were still giving him, it was probably only a matter of time before he was punched. “Look, can you just tell him that I'm sorry, and that he’s safe?” He asked. “Ian’s gone for good, he's not coming back.”

“Have you considered following Ian’s example?” Sonny sniped.

“Please, just tell him.” Jason said, close to pleading. “He deserves to know that he's safe. I'm better, I swear.”

 _‘We’ll be the judges of that.’_ Sonny thought. “Fine. We’ll tell him.” 

“In the meantime, you're banned.” Usnavi said dangerously. “So get the hell out of my store.” Jason swallowed, sparing Ruben one last glance before turning around and walking away. Usnavi and Sonny glared at his back as he exited. The two cousins exchanged a glance and Sonny moved towards the door, peeking out to make sure Jason was actually leaving.

Meanwhile, Usnavi hurried behind the counter where Ruben was muttering under his breath, eyes still shut tight and ears still covered. It sounded like he was reciting formulas to himself. “Ruben?” Usnavi called.

Ruben flinched and started backing away, causing Usnavi to grab his shoulders to keep him from toppling over. “No, no no no no no please-!” Ruben whimpered, shaking his head and weakly trying to get free. “Not again, please no no no-”

“Ruben, it’s me!” Usnavi said firmly, giving him a little shake. “It’s Usnavi!” Ruben’s eyes opened and the fear seemed to slowly vanish from his expression as his vision cleared.

“That’s right, look at me.” Usnavi said gently, moving to grasp his face like he did when Sonny was anxious. “Deep breaths, Ruben, you’re okay; _respira_.”

Ruben did as he was told as his shaky breaths became slower and deeper. He gripped Usnavi’s arms as he felt his legs become jelly under him. Usnavi guided him to the floor behind the counter, and Ruben was reduced to shivers.

A few seconds later, Sonny appeared behind the counter on Ruben’s other side, bat still in hand, “He’s gone.” He confirmed. “He looked back a few times but he got in a taxi; he’s gone.”

Usnavi nodded, “And he’s not coming back.” He agreed, his eyes still on Ruben.

Ruben nodded and closed his eyes, leaning against the counter, “I…I’m sorry…” He whispered, a hand on his face. “I-I just…I didn’t know…he just showed up and-”

“Dude, it’s cool.” Sonny said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You went through hell; you’re entitled to some breakdowns.”

Ruben peeked at him, “He…He’s really gone?” He asked weakly.

“Yeah.” Sonny smiled lightly, “I would’ve busted his kneecaps if he tried to come back.”

“He’s not setting foot in here again, ever.” Usnavi said. “I don’t care if he’s ‘better’, he can’t just walk in here after everything he did to you.”

“He’s better?” Ruben asked softly.

“Yeah,” Sonny nodded, “wanted us to tell you that he’s sorry and that Ian’s gone for good.”

Ruben let out a shaky breath and buried his face in his hands; while that didn’t make anything between him a Jason better, he would certainly sleep better knowing that psychopath was gone for good. A sob rose from his throat and he tears leak out of his eyes as he felt Usnavi and Sonny press closer to him, Sonny dropping his bat with a soft clatter so he could grip his shoulder and arm comfortingly. Ruben wordlessly deflated in their grasp, letting their touch wash away the tension and fear that infiltrated the bodega.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dammit Jason, your presence ruins everything XD


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruben's nightmares return with a vengeance, but this time they become even more personal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING HERE. BLOOD, DEATH, AND TORTURE. READ WITH CAUTION.

Chains rattled as Ruben tugged against his shackles. He had woken up in a dark place that looked familiar in the worst possible way. And that feeling was only worsened when that sickening voice filled the air. 

“Hey Rubes, long time.” Ruben jumped to his feet and tensed as Ian stepped into the dim lighting. “I thought I’d take on a trip down memory lane this time around.” Ian said and walked over to a wall, flipping a light switch. A good portion of the room was lit with a dim light, and Ruben’s breath caught in his throat. It as the bunker, the one under IMH; the place where Ian had… 

“Brings back the good times, eh, Rubes?” Ian said. “Seems like only yesterday I was tying you down to a gurney and stabbing your arm with that needle. Man, time really flies.” Ruben shook like a leaf as Ian moved to the part of the room that was still covered in darkness. “And you’ll be glad to know, I brought a few friends of yours to enjoy our time with us; wasn’t that nice of me?” 

A light turned on and Ruben covered his mouth to hide a scream. There was a gurney under the light, and Usnavi was lying on it. His wrists and ankles were strapped to the gurney with yellow rubber tubing, and a bloody needle was sticking in his arm. But that wasn’t what made Ruben scream. Usnavi was lying perfectly still on the gurney, his eyes wide and blank, along with bloody wounds decorating his chest. 

Ruben’s scream devolved into noises of despair as the body before him seemed to burn into his mind. He pressed himself against the wall, muttering Usnavi’s name over and over again. 

“He was a fast-talker,” Ian said, gazing at the corpse without any problem. “I had to shut him up somehow.” He shrugged, “But it doesn’t matter; I still have this other toy to play with.” 

No...No he couldn’t possibly mean…! 

Another light turned on and Ruben’s legs almost gave way. Sonny was strapped to a gurney next to Usnavi’s in the same manner. He was still alive, struggling viciously against his restraints and he was...oh god, he was hooked to the electroshock machine! He was gagged with the rubber stopper and two wired patches were on his temples; tears were tracking down his face and his eyes were wide with terror, glancing at his cousin’s body every now and then.

Ian smiled and sauntered over to the shock machine and Ruben pulled against his chains.  “No!” He cried. “Please, not him, he’s just a kid!” 

Ian laughed, “Funny; his cousin said the same thing.” Ian gripped Sonny’s face with one hand, the boy weakly trying to squirm away. “Now, you don’t want something to happen to this precious face, do you?” Ian asked in a mocking voice, pointing Sonny’s face towards Ruben. 

Ruben felt sick to his stomach as he lay eyes on Sonny’s tearstained face, the boy letting out muffled pleas and sobs for help.  Ruben somehow managed to find his breath and choke out his words, “W...Wh... Wha…” He swallowed. “What d-do you want to know?” 

Ian held up Ruben’s journal, “Just tell me about the chip, Ruben.” He said. “I’m not a neurosurgeon like Jason; I need someone to translate all this science speak.” 

Ruben shook his head, “Y-You don’t need me for that,” He said weakly. “I-It’s all right there; the platform is titanium, and you need surgery to implant it in your brain, that’s all you need to know!” 

There was a beat of silence until Ian broke it. “Wrong answer.” Ian pressed the button. 

The machine buzzed loudly like an electric monster and Sonny’s body began to spasm madly. “No!” Ruben screamed. 

Sonny bit down and screamed through the stopper, his hands gripping the handles so tightly his knuckles turned white. Ruben watched in horror as Sonny’s screams quickly began to fade away; such a strong shock for such a long time was probably scrambling his senses like crazy! 

“Stop it!” Ruben yelled, as Sonny’s eyes became unfocused and foam began to drip from his mouth. “Stop! I’ll do it! I’ll tell you everything! Just stop! Let him go!” 

Ian grinned, “Good boy.” He pushed the button and the machine stopped. 

Sonny’s body seemed to calm down, but he was shivering like crazy, his limbs randomly twitchin g. Ruben choked on a sob as Sonny’s eyes were half-lidded and nearly empty; god only knew how much damage had been done to his brain after such a strong shock for such a long period of time. 

Ian clicked his tongue and examined Sonny, “Too bad,” He said, snapping in front of Sonny’s eyes and receiving no stimulus, “he seemed like a nice kid.” Ian looked back at Ruben, “You know if you had just cooperated, none of this would’ve happened.” 

Ruben bit his lip and fell to his knees, a sob rising in him. “I’m sorry…” He whispered, speaking to Sonny. “I’m so sorry…” 

“I bet you are.” Ian said. “But an apology isn’t going to be enough.” 

Ruben looked up at him through his tears. Ian moved back to the machine and dialed the shock up to its highest setting, “You’ve been a bad little kitty, Ruben,”

“No…” Ruben rasped. 

“And you know how I feel about cats.” 

“Ian, please-” 

“So maybe this will finally wake you up.” Ian pushed the button. The buzzing became ten times louder and Sonny’s body would’ve jolted off the gurney if it weren’t for the straps.

“NO!” Ruben screamed. Smoke quickly came from both the machine and the patches on Sonny as the spasms became worse.

“NO! STOP IT, PLEASE! NO!” 

No more sounds of protest or pain came from Sonny, as more and more foam leaked from his mouth. 

“STOP IT, STOP IT, PLEASE! NO! NO!” 

Ruben screams were lost over the sound of the machine as Sonny’s rolled back into his head, his spasms not ceasing...

* * *

 

“NO! NO NO, PLEASE NO!” 

“RUBEN! RUBEN!” 

“STOP IT! STOP IT, PLEASE! STOP! NO!” 

“RUBEN, WAKE UP, MAN!” 

He felt two pairs of hands gripping his shoulders and he tried to flail as his eyes opened. His lamp was on and Usnavi and Sonny were over him, keeping his arms pinned to the bed, both their eyes wide with worry. 

“ _Respira_ , Ruben, you're okay,” Usnavi said urgently. “It was just a dream, you're okay.” 

Ruben did just that, taking several deep breaths as relief flooded his chest. Usnavi and Sonny were here; they were alive; Ian was gone. Ruben didn’t know what came over him, but he sat up and surged forward, trapping both cousins in the tightest hug he could muster. Usnavi and Sonny were a bit surprised at first, but hearing Ruben’s soft sobs, made them return the embrace. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Usnavi soothed, rubbing his back. “You’re safe, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

_‘It wasn’t me who I was worried about this time.’_ Ruben squeezed them tighter instead of voicing his thoughts and they stayed in silent embrace for a good few minutes.

“You good?” Sonny called gently, concern in his voice 

“Y...Yeah…” Ruben nodded. “Yean, I...I’m…” He slowly released them and rubbed his face, “Sorry, guys.” He whispered. 

“That was a bad one.” Sonny commented, still gripping his shoulder. “You scared the shit out of us.” 

“Sorry…” Ruben repeated softly. 

“Was it Ian again?” Usnavi asked gently, rubbing Ruben’s back. 

Ruben nodded, “I...I thought I was okay…” He rasped. “But...J-Jason…” He trailed off, not needing to say more. If Jason hadn't shown up, he wouldn't be awake at two a.m. from a nightmare where his two closest friends, the brothers he never had, were murdered right in front of him. 

Ruben had already expressed his anger after he had calmed down on that day. All those months of work and progress down the train in the span of five minutes. Why did this shit always have to happen to him?! What did he ever do wrong?! 

“Here, drink this; you’re burning up.” Usnavi held a cup of cool water to him, the one he kept on Ruben’s nightstand and refilled every night just in case. 

Sonny climbed on the bed and sat next to Ruben as he sipped his water, “Was it the same as before?” He asked. 

Ruben glanced at Sonny and for a split second, he saw those blank unfocused eyes strapped to the gurney. Ruben choked on his breath, put the water aside, and pulled the boy into another tight hug. He almost melted with relief when he felt Sonny’s arms slowly reach up and return the hug; his limbs were still in use. His brain wasn’t fried. Sonny was here.  Usnavi was right next to him. They were both alive. Usnavi put his arm around Ruben, a concerned frown on his face. 

“He…” Ruben took a shaky breath, “He had both of you…” He whispered. “He...He k...you...you were d...de…” His eyes filled with tears and he choked on a sob.  Usnavi’s eyes widened and Sonny sucked in a soft breath, tightening his grip on Ruben. 

“It’s okay,” Usnavi soothed, putting the pieces together, and wrapping both his arms around him and Sonny from behind so he could reach both of them. “We’re fine, we’re right here, we’re not going anywhere.” He squeezed Ruben’s hand and rested his free hand on the back of Sonny’s head, “He’s not gonna get us; we’re safe. It’s okay.” 

Usnavi kept repeating that mantra while Sonny stayed silent, clinging to Ruben like a koala. Ruben said nothing but let his mind go blank as he slowly deflated in their hold. Ruben didn’t even remember slowly weeping himself to sleep, still gripping Usnavi and Sonny like the world was going to end.

* * *

 

The next morning, Ruben opened his eyes and spied two figures squished on the bed with him. Usnavi and Sonny had fallen asleep with him again, tangled in uncomfortable positions, but sound asleep and peaceful. They were draped over him in a semi-protective manner, making Ruben nearly shudder from the warmth they provided. 

Ruben felt his eyes heat up and bit his lip; the warmth from the two cousins was almost overwhelming. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe where he was and the people he was with. 

After everything he had gone through, after everything Ian and Jason did to break and ruin him beyond repair, he found two people...no...two brothers who picked up the pieces of his life and have been slowly putting them back together. Usnavi, Sonny...hell, everyone in this little neighborhood, they had given him a place where he truly felt like he belonged. This was his home. 

These people were his family. Here...here was safe. Here he was protected. And he loved being here with all his heart and soul. Ruben nestled back into the pile without disturbing Usnavi and Sonny, and quickly fell back asleep. As long as they were here, those nightmares didn’t stand a chance. 

And Ruben wouldn’t have any more nightmares for a week after that night.


End file.
